Tracie Raisner: Gone Forever

This story is of a mother who really didn't "go missing" but vanished right before her son's eyes. This is a story that connects the dots between domestic violence, murder, and a child who will forever be branded as the "kid whose mother got killed."

As the trial proceeds and witness after witness describe the events, a young 13 year old boy is sharing with the jury what he saw that afternoon as he was being picked up from his father's after a custody visit. To say that the "family" had a strange living arrangement is an understatement.

Micheal Lister, Anthony Lister's father, was also Tracie Raisner's EX-boyfriend. Living in the Lister home was Micheal's wife of 25 years, his current girlfriend and 6 of his children by 3 different women. Needless to say, this doesn't sound like an "Ozzie and Harriet" type of household.

Testimony revealed what Lister's own lawyers say was an ''unusual'' living arrangement at Lister's home. Staying there were Carol Lister, his wife of 25 years; Christina Murawski, his girlfriend; and six of his children by three women.

On the evening of the shooting, Lister got a call letting him know Raisner was dropping Anthony off, Carol Lister and Rivera testified. He then had Murawski get his gun, and he holstered it and went outside, they said.

Anthony Lister saw it all. At 12 years old he watched as his father gunned down his mother on a sidewalk in front of several people begging him to stop. He is the one who ran to her and cried frantically over her lifeless body. Anthony Lister will never, ever forget what he saw that day as his mother lay dead.

Michael Lister will be found guilty of something, whether it be first, second or third degree murder, or voluntary manslaughter. He will serve jail time, but it will be Anthony, now 13 and entering the turbulent teens that will be forever serving a life sentence.

I doubt that after this trial we will hear about Anthony Lister again. As he continues on with his shattered life he could go down as many paths as the directions of shards of broken glass. Will he choose a path of destruction or will he choose to find strength to break the chains from the anger, sadness and defeat he must be feeling? He couldn't save his mother that day, no matter how hard he screamed for her to come back to him.

Anthony has joined the ranks of the thousands of children who have lost a parent to violence. We don't hear much about these kids, and probably don't wonder about them either. They tend to be "yesterday's news" as a more thrilling story comes to the media outlets. Have you ever thought about the scars these children carry? There is not much help available for the child victims of violence as they are shuttled through the system or through family members. They are expected to grieve, move on and get over it.

It just doesn't happen that way in real life.

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Bakersfield Tragedy: Two Mothers Taken

Our hearts are heavy and spirits are in a state of confusion as a senseless tragedy has taken another mother from the face of the earth. Suzan Sowders Fuller of Bakersfield, CA, was gunned down in her own home, along with her mother, Sharon Cannon, in front of her two little girls, 5 and 8. Who would do such a terrible thing? The father of two innocent children and the husband of Suzan.

Going through the various stages of divorce, Suzan was forced to take out an order of protection against her husband, Robert Fuller, who continuously threatened her life and on numerous occasions made moves towards that end. This order of "protection" was violated 7 times, and 7 times Robert Fuller was allowed to go about what he set out to do, he was arrested twice in the two weeks prior to the wee hours of August 8, 2009 when he broke down the door to Suzan's home and accomplished his mission.

Their 8 year old daughter had been taught to dial 9-1-1 if mommy was hurt or if she saw blood. As Robert Fuller came through the door, she was the first to wake up to see what was going on. Her father instructed her to go back to her bedroom, and as she did, her mother and grandmother came into the hallway greeted by the blast of Robert's shotgun. As cowards do, Robert ran, leaving these two precious children to deal with the aftermath.

What more could Suzan have done to prevent this? How many more hoops should she have had to jump through to save her life and the life of her mother? According to a family member, Suzan did everything she could "by the book" and followed through with each resource given her by the system. The system failed once more, and two lives were lost. Two little girls now must live with the heartbreak of losing their mother and grandmother to the "monsters" that creep in the night. This is the thing that nightmares are made of and too many children are left behind suffering. Make it STOP!

Please make a point to listen to The Susan Murphy Milano Show on BlogTalk Radio, Wednesday, August 12. Her guest will be a family member of Susan Sowders Fuller discussing what went wrong, along with Claudine Dombrowski from Mothers Without Custody. The show airs live at 3PM CST, 4PM EST and if you can't make it live, you can listen anytime by going to MurphyMilanoJournal. It will automatically play when you enter the site.

DeafDeb,Living Well

Occasionally I fall into a subject matter or a website by accident. While so much has been written and discussed about all facets of domestic violence, victims of abuse, success survivors and everything that leads someone away from an abusive partner, one area that I was curious about and have not seen in the "mainstream" discussions is the deaf community and what resources are available for the deaf who have been abused.

I found a site named DAWWWN with information geared strictly for the hearing impaired, authored by a woman who calls herself "DeafDeb."

The first thing I did was read Deb's Story Page, her account of her life and the multiple types of abuses she suffered as a child and leading into adulthood. I will share just a portion and encourage readers to go to her site and read her story. I'm happy to know that there are wonderful, giving people in the world, like DeafDeb who is also a gifted artist.

art by DeafDeb

Sometimes the best revenge is to live well, respect our healing and enjoy our triumphs. My story is meant to be one of hope and encouragement, but it may also serve as a warning.

Deafness contributed to my isolation and vulnerability as a child, even though I was only mildly deaf back then. Since I was often alone, I was an easy target for abuse. As my deafness increased, it became more and more difficult to get help. I am a survivor of multiple abuses by multiple perpetrators, compounded by psychiatric abuse. I have been on this healing journey for over 3 decades and have come a long way though I still deal with the after effects.

Anger and Shame

I've experienced so much anger because when I was 17, after about 10 unwanted sexual "encounters", including molestation when I was 4, 12, 13 and 14 by strangers, inappropriate touching at age 8 by my uncle who also terrorized me with his rages every time I visited, sexual shaming by a babysitter when I was 10, sexual assault when I was 11 by a gang of older neighborhood boys and a classmate, rape when I was 15 by my good friend's housemate...

At home I was neglected, emotionally abused and occasionally physically abused. My parents were preoccupied by serious problems of their own and could not protect me or help me cope, nor did they have any knowledge or understanding of my increasing deafness. They argued constantly. Both had painful childhoods with alcoholic parents. My father's mother killed herself when I was 3.

My mom had a tendency to fly into rages. I often didn't respond to her because I couldn't hear her, and that made her even more enraged. My friends couldn't understand, but even if there had been people around to listen, shame and deafness kept me in a state of silent torment (there were also a few years of not so silent torment).

Add to this intense isolation and a few more traumatic experiences like fire and divorce and living with a stressed out single parent. I stopped being able to sleep, flew into rages, destroyed property, dissociated and had weekly visits with a therapist who I never really trusted enough to confide in, nor did I know how to talk about what happened. I went into therapy voluntarily when I was 13, but it didn't help much. Then came the secondary wounding...

PLEASE READ THE REST OF THE STORY OF AN AMAZING SUCCESS SURVIVOR!

Justice Coming For Mary Jane Zich?

Mary Jane was wife #5 in the lineup for 6 time married, Thomas Zich. In 1991 little Desiree Anaverde was only 3 years old, witnessing something that she will soon be called on to testify about.

Mary Jane and Tom Zich met while she was a waitress in a small restaurant and he was a customer. They married and Mary Jane's life changed dramatically. Family members say Tom was quite jealous and abusive to Mary Jane soon after they were married. They say that she was isolated from them, that even though Mary Jane was very family oriented, there was no contact with them on a regular basis.

November 29, 1991 was the last time that Mary Jane Zich was seen alive. She and her daughter, Desiree, had just returned to their Toledo, Ohio home after visiting her parents for Thanksgiving. While on her visit, Mary Jane discussed the violence in her marriage to Tom Zich and told her parents that she was planning on divorcing him. According to reports to police given by Tom at the time, she received a phone call, left the house and didn't return, leaving 3 year old Desiree behind.

Apparently when Mary Jane returned home on November 28 from her family visit, she announced to Tom that, although they had been married less than a year, she wanted a divorce. No one knows what happened next or how Tom took the news, but on December 7, 1991 Tom reported her missing.

On December 18, 1991, Toledo police got a tip, found Mary Jane's car, opened the trunk to find her body, frozen. Tom Zich said "he didn't do it" and time marched on, Tom married wife #6, and little Desiree grew up.

In 2005, 14 years after Mary Jane's frozen body was found, cold case investigators took another look at the case, reinterviewing several witnesses, including Tom, who still denies having anything to do with Mary Jane's frozen body. Finally, in 2007, Tom Zich was indicted for the murder of his then wife, Mary Jane Zich.

Desiree Anaverde is now Desiree Pena, married and a mother herself, who grew up with a secret that is only now coming to light. Desiree will testify in her mother's murder trial that she witnessed Tom Zich murder her and put her body into the trunk of her car. I'm sure there will be a lot of legal wrangling on the testimony of a then 3 year old, however, I'm sure that Desiree will rest easier knowing that she will be a part of bringing justice to the memory of her mother.

"[The years after her death] were very difficult. It was very hard," she said. "You have the rest of your family; but to not have the one person you depend on, it's just really hard."

Three of Tom's former wives were also granted their turn to testify. It seems that Tom had a history of attacking the throat when he got angry. Mary Jane Zich's cause of death was found to be strangled with a ligature. So it seems that 4 out 6 wives have had Tom Zich's hands around their throats, and one of them is no longer alive.

So many red flags were waving around Thomas Zich as a choice for a husband, why did these women not see them? This type of controlling, manipulative, chameleon-like man is recently coming to the forefront, although they have been around since the beginning of time. Drew Peterson, the poster boy for Narcissists, is still able to get attention from behind bars!

Maybe with attention and education on the issues of domestic violence and spousal murder from advocates like Susan Murphy Milano, we could see less of these cases. In her new book "Time's Up" she will give you step by step directions on how to safely leave an abusive home and not wind up strangled, frozen and found in a trunk.

Dateline NBC, a weekly television newsmagazine, will be taping the trial of Tom Zich for a future episode of the program, which usually airs on Friday nights.



UPDATE: JUNE 18,2009

A JURY FOUND TOM ZICH GUILTY OF THE MURDER OF MARY JANE ZICH

Liza Murphy, Missing Mother of Three

With so many news reports of fathers killing mothers, mothers gone missing, leaving their children behind, I find the reality of children growing up as victims of violence to be an epidemic. Every day the stories are played out in national news and news talk shows.

On August 19, 2007, it's reported that Liza Murphy just up and walked out of her home after an argument with her husband, Joe Murphy, leaving behind her cell phone, cigarettes, all forms of identification, and most importantly, her three children, now 15, 13, and 10.

Liza Murphy and her husband were having marital problems, her family said. Stellatos described Joe Murphy as possessive of his wife, never allowing her to go out with her friends. She said he was even jealous if she spent time with her parents.

Liza and her children had just returned from a week long visit with her parents, 125 miles away. Liza suffered from fibromyalgia and depression, however, according to her mother, would never walk away willingly from her children.

Oddly enough, Joe Murphy tried suicide by throwing himself in front of a fire truck. He recovered from his injuries, then subsequently "lawyered up" and is now not cooperating in the investigation of his missing wife. Joe Murphy has full custody of the children and has isolated them from Liza's family. They have not seen them since the last visit she made days before she vanished.

Similar in many ways to the Renee Pagel murder case in Michigan, where the father is also isolating the children and not cooperating with the investigation into Renee's murder, although Renee isn't a missing person, she very well could have been.

As in all cases of a troubled marriage, a lot of the truth will remain hidden. We don't know about alleged affairs, lifestyles and habits. What we do know is that there are three children who do not know where there mother is. Three more children have joined the club of many who didn't ask for tragedy and violence to enter their lives, but will now be guided by it forever.