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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Where Have All The Children Gone?


Where have all the flowers gone
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone
Young girls have picked them, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn

Although there are motherless children all over this world, my question is what happens in a child's life who has lost it's mother to violence? Whether she has gone missing, never to return, or was murdered, sometimes right in front of that child or left for that child to find. What kind of defense mechanisms or coping skills do these children find to get along in life?

I'm finding that there are millions of children who are now adults, who have survived the horror that tore their mother away from them, and yet, somehow have been able to make it to adulthood. Where are they? Do they look like me? Would I know them if I saw them? They are everywhere, hiding behind the mask they put on to show the world that they don't want to be thought of as "different".

Many say that they go through the remainder of their childhood without hope. Hope being an uplifting emotion for humans, it's an important part of daily life, a way to reach for something in good faith. Without hope there is too much room in a person's psyche for despair, depression and darkness.

Adult survivors lives take many different paths, some lose everything, their potential to succeed is greatly diminished, while others take a different, stronger track, showing the world one face, but keeping another facing inward constantly keeping busy to avoid the pain and heartache.

I'm sure there are studies done somewhere, in language I probably wouldn't understand, giving explanations and psychological resources for this population of our society. However, it doesn't explain to these child survivors why this had to happen in the first place. No one can answer the basic question, "Why me, God"?

So as we read the newspapers and hear the reports of a mother who has gone missing, or a mother who has been violently murdered, ask yourself, "what will happen to the children."

While at the time the "crime" is making news and the attention is focused there, the children have to find a way to go on, find a way to cope with this tragedy and make a way in this world and grow into adulthood. They are often forgotten in the flurry of the crime, lost in the shuffle, sent into a world who forgot who they are and who they will become.

This will be the subject of Susan Murphy Milano's BlogTalk Radio show this Wednesday at 4PM EST. Join Susan and her guest, as adult survivors of violent childhoods, and hear what happened to them as they grew to adulthood.

We will discuss the topic of children whose fathers have killed their mothers. It is an a subject rarely discussed in the media. As the lives of the children who witness violence and terror in their homes if they survive, live the remainder of their days on earth often in darkness and without hope. Joining me on today's show Pam Munson discussing her survival after her mother's murder.

1 comment:

Sara Huizenga Lubbers said...

So thankful for MaVs....such a leading strong voice, that has never forgotten the children of Vanishing Mothers and has reached out to so many of them...

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