The Price of a Life?

Many who know me, know that I stand and support many issues, from missing persons, domestic violence, mothers without custody, human trafficking, self-defense, and victim’s rights. Whew, it’s a lot to take in and a lot of information to spread around to bring awareness to all of these inter-connecting, real life tragedies that are played out daily in our news and on the internet. But, there are two things I’ve been working on for quite some time that, to me, are life and death issues.

The Help Find the Missing Act (Billy’s Law) is one of the most important national pieces of legislation that will benefit the families of missing persons. With a grass roots effort started by the mother of missing Billy Smolinski, Janice Smolinski lives the nightmare shared with thousands across the country and millions worldwide. She has worked non-stop through the process of our government to bring this change for all. The bill was passed quickly and unanimously through the Judiciary Committee and the House of Representatives and now sits in the Senate.

As I reflect over this past year, I look at the lessons I’ve learned from many about how our system of government works. I regard myself as an average citizen with an average education, but there was so much I didn’t know! The Help Find the Missing Act needs to be expedited through the Senate, but there is one Senator Coburn (R-OK) who is holding it up. Senator Coburn, who is also a doctor, is well known for holding back the reins of spending, but, I ask, what is the price of a life?

Day after day, on all forms of social media, I see case after case of a missing or unidentified person, some new, some very old and cold. To know that there are families and communities who are affected by each and every one missing fuels everything I try to do, but it’s not enough. It’s not enough to spread the awareness and to try to educate the general public; it’s not enough to know that every day a mother wakes up and starts her quest all over again with only faith and hope to hang on to.

WAKE UP! You can’t put a price on the life of even one missing human being in this country. You can’t put a price on the heartache of each family represented who struggle to get information out about their missing loved one. With as many organizations and support groups as there are online, it’s still not enough to bring them home. Our families and American citizens deserve the benefits outlined in The Help Find the Missing Act.
Janice Smolinski, and the thousands of other family members of a missing loved one, did not ask to be a part of this growing community. They also didn’t ask to be in the limelight or have media cameras staring at them. They don’t look forward to another appearance on the Nancy Grace Show, but they do it because they know it’s another opportunity to show a picture or to speak about their loved one.

My second wake-up call was how closely domestic violence is related to murdered and missing persons. With many of the cases I review and highlight, it hits me that if we could find a way to solve the mystery of family violence, we could effectively reduce the numbers of murdered and missing persons.

Family and domestic violence was put on the plate of Susan Murphy-Milano the day she was born. She didn’t ask for it, it asked for her, perhaps knowing that somewhere in her soul was something that could make a difference in the way that cases of domestic violence were handled. Living and breathing it daily in her home growing up, she survived for a reason, and, in my opinion, that reason is to help the helpless, to guide those who are living in violent chaos and having a hard time making sense of their own lives. She has been doing it for over 20 years!

This year Susan wrote and published the book, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship and laid the procedures she created and used during the last 20 years of working directly with victims of violence. Point of fact…not one woman in 20 years died while on Susan’s watch, and that alone should speak for her knowledge and expertise.

This book is even more important to Susan because it was written to be something that will be used by victims who cannot be helped by her personally. Each day hundreds of emails come into her box seeking her help. Most inquiries are those in which someone will die, the “high risk” cases of a woman living in the danger zone, reaching out desperately in the eleventh hour. Susan is only one person, and realizing that, she offers the Time’s Up book and the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit to all who need it.

After the book was launched in April, 2010 on her murdered mother’s birthday, there have been many accolades and great reviews, but that is not enough! While all the good things said and written about Time’s Up are flattering, it’s not enough to get this book into the hands of the victims who are being beaten and killed every day. This book was not written and distributed for the sake of book sales, or for flattering words, it was written for one purpose only…..to save lives.

How many celebrities have supported the issue of domestic violence and how many organizations have been built around the need to help? Thousands of people have taken to the streets to educate and bring awareness to the general public, and yet, we are seeing lives lost in epidemic proportions due to family violence. Many wonderful laws have been passed, many advocates have spoken to Congress, and every day people still look the other way. Why?

In order to get Time’s Up, and the information contained to the victim who needs it right now is a daunting task taken on by one woman with a passion and a mission to save lives. Susan Murphy-Milano is not out to become the next media darling looking for a gig on the latest news talk show, although she would definitely appear if asked, she would appear as the spokesperson for those who cannot speak for themselves because they are frozen with fear wondering how long they have to live!

So, what is the price for a life? What more do we need to do? All of the “yays” and “shares” and pats on the back only go so far in these two issues which are consuming many! How much do we have to pay to scream from the rooftops until people “get it?” If one missing person’s family is given the peace of mind they deserve, if one victim of a violent relationship is spared their life, is it worth it? Who are those “in charge” that can make a difference and why are they not stepping up to the plate? Is it money, fame, recognition that they want? What’s the price they are willing to pay? And why, oh why, does it have to come down to money?

I have been blessed to have the opportunity to get to know each of these women this year, each of them fighting a fight they didn’t ask for, yet, trying like hell to pave a smoother path for those who will come after them. Both are facing the obstacles set before them every day, but waking up to face a new challenge with courage and strength. Although they both deserve all the accolades in the world, neither of them is seeking the limelight or 15 minutes of fame, no awards can take the place of the work each is trying to accomplish. I’m trying to shine a light into the darkness that each of them has lived and I’m trying to show the world the importance of what they each are trying to achieve.

Does anyone have Oprah’s personal phone number? If so, give her a call.

By Delilah

“Time’s Up!” NOW AVAILABLE AS AN EBOOK!

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Slain Abuse Victims Who Had Protective Orders

The following article shows the connection from domestic abuse to missing mother.  Maybe not physically missing, however, she is missing from the lives of her children.  Her children are, in most cases, left behind to deal with the aftermath for the rest of their lives.

The cases listed below are just a tiny example of an ever increasing list of women (and men) who are taken down by the manipulative, angry, and deadly abuser.

 

 

 

Reprinted from "Intimate and Domestic Violence Homicides in the News"

CARISA WALZ, 30, Florence, June 6

Just two weeks before she was killed — run over by her estranged husband in his car — Walz had obtained a protective order from a court in Cincinnati ordering him to have no contact her — even with her permission.

But Paul Walz spent most of the evening drinking with his estranged wife on the night she was killed, Boone County sheriff's spokesman Tom Scheben said.

Paul Walz told police the two had just left a party when she opened the door to his car and leaned out to vomit. She fell out and suffered fatal injuries when he ran over her, police say.

He has pleaded not guilty to charges of manslaughter, drunken driving and violating a protective order, and a trial is set for Jan. 18, 2010.

Deputy sheriffs in Hamilton County, Ohio, had charged Paul Walz two weeks before his wife's death with domestic violence and felony assault for allegedly running over her foot with his car. A protective order issued on May 25 ordered him to have no contact with her.

AMY DAVIS, 29, Jeffersonville, Ky., May 29

Amy Davis' family knew that her relationship with her ex-husband, Tony Patterson, was rocky, but they say they never suspected it would end violently.

She had taken out an emergency protective order against Patterson, but only because Amy's daughter — one of three children she'd adopted with Patterson before the two divorced — had told her that her ex-husband had made inappropriate sexual comments.

“It wasn't about violence to her,” said Davis' father, Ralph Davis.

Amy had a new fiancé, William Cain, and was seven months pregnant. Her My Space page noted that thought she was “stressed” she was “ready to enjoy my weekend” with Cain and the children.

Patterson couldn't accept the fact that she had met another man, Ralph Davis said.

“He kept calling her at all hours of the night,” he said. “She would change her number, and he would still get a hold of it.”

Nine days before she and Patterson were scheduled to appear in Montgomery County for a hearing on the protective order, Patterson forced his way into her mobile home southeast of Mount Sterling, shot and killed Cain, then chased Amy Davis into the yard and shot her dead, before killing himself.

“This just blindsided everyone,” Ralph Davis said. “He was always making threats, but we didn't think he would deliver on them.”

DANA GABRIELLE MCDONALD, 26, Louisville. Feb. 20

A therapist and nurse at the Home of the Innocents, Dana McDonald had been living with 29-year-old Michael Elery for about two months when they got in an argument two weeks before Christmas last year.

He refused to leave, so she called police, at which point he warned her that he would beat her up when he got out of jail, she said in a petition for a protective order.

“I think Michael will harm me,” McDonald wrote. “I want Michael to stay away.”

After hearing Elery's side of the story, a judge issued a domestic-violence order for three years, ordering Elery to stay 1,000 feet from her, and away from guns.

On Feb. 20, 2009, Elery was picked up in Harrison County, Ind., on a charge of public intoxication and told police he had assaulted his girlfriend in Louisville, according to court records.

McDonald was found dead of blunt-force injuries and multiple stab wounds in the apartment and Elery was charged with murder. He has pleaded not guilty and his trial is set for Aug. 27.

TASHA DYE, 35, Westport, Ky., Nov. 19, 2007

Tasha Dye was scared. Her estranged husband, Charles “Chuck” Dye whom she was divorcing, had threatened her and her family, she said in a petition for a protective order on Oct. 25, 2007.

That day, he had come to the home they had shared near the Ohio River, knocked on the door, and then barged in when she said to go away, she said. She locked herself in a bathroom and called 911, and he fled when he realized she'd called police.

But she had taken out a protective order against him in the past, and knew that other women had as well. “I am fearing he will do something to hurt me and my family,” she said in her petition.

Family Court Judge Tim Feeley had issued a domestic-violence order, instructing Dye to stay 500 feet away from Tasha and her mother, Carolyn Schildknesht, 55. There was no restriction placed on firearms.

The next month, three days after their divorce was final, Chuck Dye, 51, came to mobile home that Tasha Dye was sharing with Schildknesht, chased his ex-wife into the front yard and shot her in the head before killing himself.

“I really don't know what more could have been done to protect her,” said Joe Wells, her divorce lawyer. “The DVO was in place. All the boxes were checked like they're supposed to be.”

But Oldham County Police Detective Paul Kerr, who investigated the murder-suicide, said a GPS monitoring system — like the one proposed by House Speaker Greg Stumbo — may have saved Tasha Dye's life.

Although Chuck Dye lived close to his ex-wife — and could have beaten police to the scene if they had been alerted that he was approached her — Tasha Dye also would have gotten notice and would have had a chance to flee, Kerr said.

He said Chuck Dye would have been a perfect candidate for electronic monitoring.

“We knew him for years,” Kerr said. “We knew he was a violent person.”

THERESA CHEVELLE HICKS, 43, Hartford, Oct. 17, 2007

A waitress and mother of three children, Theresa Hicks once tried to get Robert W. Casey out of her life, then let him back in.

On Sept. 30, 2006, after Casey, a disabled former gas station worker, smashed the window of Hicks' van, cutting her and two of her children, she won an order requiring him to stay away from her for two years.

“He threatened my life,” she told District Judge John McCarty.

But four months later, she asked to have the order “completely dropped.”

McCarty refused to do that, ordering Casey to continue in anger-management counseling, and to refrain from further violence or harassment. At Hicks' request, though, he dropped the no-contact order, and the couple reunited.

“He persisted until she came back,” said Jennifer Anderson, Hicks' sister.

On Oct. 17, 2007 — a week before the protective order was to expire — Hicks and Casey went out drinking, got into a fight, and Hicks was pushed, fell or jumped from a moving vehicle, police said.

Hicks died of multiple blunt-force trauma and Casey was charged with murder, drunken driving, violating a protective order and assault of another person earlier the same night.

Casey eventually pleaded guilty to violating the order and second-degree manslaughter, and was sentenced to 10 years. His public defender, Lelah Rogers, declined to comment.

Anderson said her sister was “miserable” in her relationship with Casey.

“She didn't want to go back to him,” Anderson said. “She began living with him to get him to leave her alone.”


There are many strategies that are available that may have been able to save the lives of these women.  

Our country's attorneys, judges, advocates and citizens must start practicing better procedures to help victims of abuse stay alive.

Obviously an Order of Protection is nothing but a paper trail of future abuse

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Moving Out, Moving On: The Book that Saves!

In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Author and Expert Domestic Violence Strategist, Susan Murphy Milano, is offering her innovative book, Moving Out, Moving On at a discount to anyone who is in a violent relationship, or knows someone who needs to safely move away from abuse.

This book is available in quantity for agencies, shelters, coalitions and any other organizations who deal with victims of abuse.

For the month of October you can order a hard copy of the book which includes a CD of all of the important forms you will need to use. The hard copy (for $15 including postage) can be ordered at the following email:

contact@imaginepublicity.com

Include your name, address and quantity and you will receive a quick response with further instruction.

If you would like an instant EBook copy it can be ordered by going to this link:

CLICK HERE

The Ebook also includes samples of forms to use, as well.

Moving Out, Moving On will not only save you thousands in dollars, it could very well save a life!

Through clear examination, simple forms and worksheets, Moving out, Moving on , logically takes the reader through all the necessary preparation and information gathering to effectively seek legal redress, protect one’s assets and credit, address considerations regarding children, define alternate living arrangements, and deal with the myriad of financial problems and concerns surrounding a divorce or break-up. Moving out, Moving on, also addresses in detail abusive relationships, domestic violence and stalking and how to safely confront these situations.

Moving out, Moving on , is more than a simple workbook, but a true plan to take control of one’s life and face the future head on. This is not just another “divorce book” written by a so called “expert.” Moving out, Moving on, is authored by a person who truly knows…Susan Murphy-Milano

Stacy Peterson, We Remember You

Long before Peace4 the Missing was organized the news broke about a young mother who went missing in Bolingbrook, IL. Her name is Stacy Peterson. Almost 2 years have passed since that day in October, 2007 and many, many more news stories have, and still are, being discussed about what may have happened to Stacy.

Tons of people gathered at various forums and message boards to talk about the latest news, speculate on what happened, and, unfortunately, pick apart every aspect of the lives of those involved. Several blowouts occurred, other splinter forums were created, and the circus surrounding Stacy Peterson was led by the ringmaster, her husband.

As we near the two year anniversary of Stacy's disappearance, I would hope that many of the circus performers have cleaned off their clown makeup, that hurt feelings have been mended, and that the microscope of speculation has been put away.

In 2007 Stacy was a rally point for passionate people who came together in her honor, many have scattered all over the internet and many have started new, successful ventures that probably would not have happened if it weren't for Stacy Peterson.

October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. As the internet has grown to bring us information in a flash, it's also come to be a way for all of us to communicate and pass on information and search for solutions. As we use this October to honor Stacy Peterson, to remember her, we also would like to take this opportunity to rally around this awareness campaign.

On Saturday, October 24, several local area people will be partnering with Guardian Angel Community Services for a 5K walk to raise funds to continue their services to victims and families of domestic violence. We have set up a team, "Angels For Stacy" partnering with Peace4 the Missing to give everyone an opportunity to participate.

If you are nearby, we hope you will walk, if you aren't, we hope you will help with support, sponsorship, or donations, if you can. Please join our Team and show your support for Stacy Peterson, ALL missing persons, and the victims of domestic abuse. It's FREE to join and be a member!

ANGELS FOR STACY TEAM PAGE

Let's come together again for Stacy Peterson!