Remains in Ariz. may be Danice Day

Danice Day went missing January 9, 2002 and had two young children who now may learn the answers to what happened to their mother 7 long years ago.

For the most up to date information, please go to the website kept by her family: Danice Day



DNA testing to be done to confirm identity



By RUTH HEIDE

MONTE VISTA — One of the San Luis Valley’s most tragic mysteries may have been solved this week with the discovery of human remains believed to be Danice Day who disappeared from Monte Vista seven and a half years ago.

Day, who would have been 27 years old on May 8, disappeared on January 9, 2002, from Monte Vista where she lived.

Rio Grande Sheriff Brian Norton announced on Friday that human remains located in Lyman Lake State Park, Arizona, are believed to be those of the missing mother of two. Although not releasing the connection between Arizona and the San Luis Valley, or how authorities were led there, the sheriff said the remains were located through a combined effort of the Rio Grande Sheriff’s Office, Apache County Sheriff’s Office and the Utah Department of Public Safety Dive Team.

Norton said the dramatic turn in this seven-year-old case was the result of continued investigation over the years by his office and the district attorney’s office.

Norton said the remains have been turned over to the El Paso County forensic pathologist for further DNA testing that will hopefully lead to positive identification.

“We are looking for a quick turn around,” Norton said. However, he said it could be days or weeks before the results of the DNA testing are available.

The sheriff said he could not comment further on the case until the results are back.

Norton said no one has yet been charged in the Day case, and investigation continues regarding possible suspects.

“Due to court orders, no further information will be released,” Norton stated.

The sheriff said his office notified Day’s family about this most recent development.

The family is “just trying to process it all right now,” Danice’s older sister Jacqui Flint said on Friday.

“Everybody processes grief a little bit differently. Now we just have to come to terms all over again.”

She added, “I thought we would be relieved, and it’s like she is dead all over again because we did not ever know she was fully gone ... We just have mixed emotions ... I am not sure how to feel right now.”

Jacqui said although family members presumed Danice was dead, “we still half hoped ...”

She said from the information provided by the sheriff’s office, the family is fairly certain Danice has finally be found and can now be put to rest.

“We have had so many false leads,” Jacqui said. “We are pretty sure this time. We continually prayed that there would be closure, and this has led us closer to that closure we have wanted for so long.”

Because Danice had not been found, her family had not been able to hold a funeral or memorial for her, or to completely grieve. If the results of the DNA tests come back positive, the family will probably plan a funeral service for Danice, her sister said.

“We will wait until it’s confirmed. I know I want to put something together to make sure she’s honored somehow.”

Not allowing Danice’s memory to fade, Jacqui has maintained a web site “Danice Day, a web site regarding the disappearance of a young Colorado mother of two missing since January 9, 2002.”

The site chronicles the investigations of Danice’s case through newspaper articles from 2002 through last October when a “mystery bone” was found in Monte Vista. The discovery led to another false lead and another false hope for the family.

Initial articles talked about rewards offered for information on “missing mom” and described Danice’s height, weight, hair color, eye color and piercings.

Another article talked about searchers looking for “missing waitress” who already feared she was dead. Further articles spoke about potential suspects.

Letters to the editor were posted from family members. Articles featured candlelight vigils and gatherings on the anniversaries of Danice’s disappearance. First it was one year. This January it was seven.

Many postings were made by Danice’s father Rod who lives in the Valley. He counted the days since his daughter went missing and shared his anger that no one had been held accountable for her loss.

In October 2004, Rod Day recalled in “Danice of a Thousand Days” that it had been 1,000 days at that time since Danice was gone. “It goes without saying---our little girl is still missed very much! And we (all) love her,” he wrote.

Jacqui posted articles about fundraising efforts for the Carole Sund/Carrington Memorial Reward Foundation that posted a reward for information to help find Day.

The Danice Day web site also shared photographs from Danice’s life from childhood to adulthood, remembered special milestones such as birthdays and related the emotions of a family whose loved one was still out there.

An early photo showed a young Danice in a blue sweater, another camping, another with her cousins, and another with her own two children.

Danice’s oldest child, who was only 2 1/2 when his mother went missing, lives with his father in Missouri, and her daughter, who was just an infant when her mother disappeared, is being cared for by a paternal grandfather.

Danice shared a May 8 birthday with her daughter. Danice would have been 27 last month. Her older sister wrote a “happy birthday” note on the web site stating that Danice had been gone so long it felt sometimes as if she did not really know her anymore.

“I do remember this, though, she is/was one of the best friends I ever had and one of the most special people anyone could ever know. The mark she left on her family and friend’s lives will not change or go away.”

Jacqui said on Friday that although the recent discovery of what authorities believe to be her sister’s remains will bring some closure for the family, it will never completely end until someone is held accountable for Danice’s death.

“I just want to see justice,” Jacqui said.

She said one of the people who kept attention on her sister’s case was her grandfather who did not live to see the latest development in the case. He died last September.

“He never gave up. He always said ‘Jacqui don’t ever give up. Something’s going to happen’ ... He was right to keep hope alive.”

UPDATE

Sep 23, 2009 10:52 am US/Mountain Body Found In Ariz. Lake Confirmed As Colo. WomanDEL NORTE, Colo. (AP) ― Authorities say a body retrieved from an Arizona lake is that of a Colorado mother of two who disappeared more than seven years ago.

Officials in Rio Grande County, Colo., said Tuesday that DNA tests confirmed the body was Danice Day.

She was 19 when she disappeared from Monte Vista, Colo., in 2002. Her body was found in a barrel in Arizona's Lyman Lake in June. The cause of death hasn't been determined.

Rio Grande County District Attorney David Mahonee says 33-year-old Victor Braun, Day's boyfriend and the father of one of her children, will be charged with manslaughter.

Sheriff Brian Norton says investigators found Day's body through "negotiations" between Braun's attorney and prosecutors.

Day once lived in Laramie, Wyo., where her mother still lives.

http://cbs4denver.com/local/Body.fou...2.1202944.html

DeafDeb,Living Well

Occasionally I fall into a subject matter or a website by accident. While so much has been written and discussed about all facets of domestic violence, victims of abuse, success survivors and everything that leads someone away from an abusive partner, one area that I was curious about and have not seen in the "mainstream" discussions is the deaf community and what resources are available for the deaf who have been abused.

I found a site named DAWWWN with information geared strictly for the hearing impaired, authored by a woman who calls herself "DeafDeb."

The first thing I did was read Deb's Story Page, her account of her life and the multiple types of abuses she suffered as a child and leading into adulthood. I will share just a portion and encourage readers to go to her site and read her story. I'm happy to know that there are wonderful, giving people in the world, like DeafDeb who is also a gifted artist.

art by DeafDeb

Sometimes the best revenge is to live well, respect our healing and enjoy our triumphs. My story is meant to be one of hope and encouragement, but it may also serve as a warning.

Deafness contributed to my isolation and vulnerability as a child, even though I was only mildly deaf back then. Since I was often alone, I was an easy target for abuse. As my deafness increased, it became more and more difficult to get help. I am a survivor of multiple abuses by multiple perpetrators, compounded by psychiatric abuse. I have been on this healing journey for over 3 decades and have come a long way though I still deal with the after effects.

Anger and Shame

I've experienced so much anger because when I was 17, after about 10 unwanted sexual "encounters", including molestation when I was 4, 12, 13 and 14 by strangers, inappropriate touching at age 8 by my uncle who also terrorized me with his rages every time I visited, sexual shaming by a babysitter when I was 10, sexual assault when I was 11 by a gang of older neighborhood boys and a classmate, rape when I was 15 by my good friend's housemate...

At home I was neglected, emotionally abused and occasionally physically abused. My parents were preoccupied by serious problems of their own and could not protect me or help me cope, nor did they have any knowledge or understanding of my increasing deafness. They argued constantly. Both had painful childhoods with alcoholic parents. My father's mother killed herself when I was 3.

My mom had a tendency to fly into rages. I often didn't respond to her because I couldn't hear her, and that made her even more enraged. My friends couldn't understand, but even if there had been people around to listen, shame and deafness kept me in a state of silent torment (there were also a few years of not so silent torment).

Add to this intense isolation and a few more traumatic experiences like fire and divorce and living with a stressed out single parent. I stopped being able to sleep, flew into rages, destroyed property, dissociated and had weekly visits with a therapist who I never really trusted enough to confide in, nor did I know how to talk about what happened. I went into therapy voluntarily when I was 13, but it didn't help much. Then came the secondary wounding...

PLEASE READ THE REST OF THE STORY OF AN AMAZING SUCCESS SURVIVOR!

Justice Coming For Mary Jane Zich?

Mary Jane was wife #5 in the lineup for 6 time married, Thomas Zich. In 1991 little Desiree Anaverde was only 3 years old, witnessing something that she will soon be called on to testify about.

Mary Jane and Tom Zich met while she was a waitress in a small restaurant and he was a customer. They married and Mary Jane's life changed dramatically. Family members say Tom was quite jealous and abusive to Mary Jane soon after they were married. They say that she was isolated from them, that even though Mary Jane was very family oriented, there was no contact with them on a regular basis.

November 29, 1991 was the last time that Mary Jane Zich was seen alive. She and her daughter, Desiree, had just returned to their Toledo, Ohio home after visiting her parents for Thanksgiving. While on her visit, Mary Jane discussed the violence in her marriage to Tom Zich and told her parents that she was planning on divorcing him. According to reports to police given by Tom at the time, she received a phone call, left the house and didn't return, leaving 3 year old Desiree behind.

Apparently when Mary Jane returned home on November 28 from her family visit, she announced to Tom that, although they had been married less than a year, she wanted a divorce. No one knows what happened next or how Tom took the news, but on December 7, 1991 Tom reported her missing.

On December 18, 1991, Toledo police got a tip, found Mary Jane's car, opened the trunk to find her body, frozen. Tom Zich said "he didn't do it" and time marched on, Tom married wife #6, and little Desiree grew up.

In 2005, 14 years after Mary Jane's frozen body was found, cold case investigators took another look at the case, reinterviewing several witnesses, including Tom, who still denies having anything to do with Mary Jane's frozen body. Finally, in 2007, Tom Zich was indicted for the murder of his then wife, Mary Jane Zich.

Desiree Anaverde is now Desiree Pena, married and a mother herself, who grew up with a secret that is only now coming to light. Desiree will testify in her mother's murder trial that she witnessed Tom Zich murder her and put her body into the trunk of her car. I'm sure there will be a lot of legal wrangling on the testimony of a then 3 year old, however, I'm sure that Desiree will rest easier knowing that she will be a part of bringing justice to the memory of her mother.

"[The years after her death] were very difficult. It was very hard," she said. "You have the rest of your family; but to not have the one person you depend on, it's just really hard."

Three of Tom's former wives were also granted their turn to testify. It seems that Tom had a history of attacking the throat when he got angry. Mary Jane Zich's cause of death was found to be strangled with a ligature. So it seems that 4 out 6 wives have had Tom Zich's hands around their throats, and one of them is no longer alive.

So many red flags were waving around Thomas Zich as a choice for a husband, why did these women not see them? This type of controlling, manipulative, chameleon-like man is recently coming to the forefront, although they have been around since the beginning of time. Drew Peterson, the poster boy for Narcissists, is still able to get attention from behind bars!

Maybe with attention and education on the issues of domestic violence and spousal murder from advocates like Susan Murphy Milano, we could see less of these cases. In her new book "Time's Up" she will give you step by step directions on how to safely leave an abusive home and not wind up strangled, frozen and found in a trunk.

Dateline NBC, a weekly television newsmagazine, will be taping the trial of Tom Zich for a future episode of the program, which usually airs on Friday nights.



UPDATE: JUNE 18,2009

A JURY FOUND TOM ZICH GUILTY OF THE MURDER OF MARY JANE ZICH

Liza Murphy, Missing Mother of Three

With so many news reports of fathers killing mothers, mothers gone missing, leaving their children behind, I find the reality of children growing up as victims of violence to be an epidemic. Every day the stories are played out in national news and news talk shows.

On August 19, 2007, it's reported that Liza Murphy just up and walked out of her home after an argument with her husband, Joe Murphy, leaving behind her cell phone, cigarettes, all forms of identification, and most importantly, her three children, now 15, 13, and 10.

Liza Murphy and her husband were having marital problems, her family said. Stellatos described Joe Murphy as possessive of his wife, never allowing her to go out with her friends. She said he was even jealous if she spent time with her parents.

Liza and her children had just returned from a week long visit with her parents, 125 miles away. Liza suffered from fibromyalgia and depression, however, according to her mother, would never walk away willingly from her children.

Oddly enough, Joe Murphy tried suicide by throwing himself in front of a fire truck. He recovered from his injuries, then subsequently "lawyered up" and is now not cooperating in the investigation of his missing wife. Joe Murphy has full custody of the children and has isolated them from Liza's family. They have not seen them since the last visit she made days before she vanished.

Similar in many ways to the Renee Pagel murder case in Michigan, where the father is also isolating the children and not cooperating with the investigation into Renee's murder, although Renee isn't a missing person, she very well could have been.

As in all cases of a troubled marriage, a lot of the truth will remain hidden. We don't know about alleged affairs, lifestyles and habits. What we do know is that there are three children who do not know where there mother is. Three more children have joined the club of many who didn't ask for tragedy and violence to enter their lives, but will now be guided by it forever.

Where Have All The Children Gone?

Where have all the flowers gone

Long time passing

Where have all the flowers gone

Long time ago

Where have all the flowers gone

Young girls have picked them, every one

Oh, when will they ever learn

Oh, when will they ever learn

Although there are motherless children all over this world, my question is what happens in a child's life who has lost it's mother to violence? Whether she has gone missing, never to return, or was murdered, sometimes right in front of that child or left for that child to find. What kind of defense mechanisms or coping skills do these children find to get along in life?

I'm finding that there are millions of children who are now adults, who have survived the horror that tore their mother away from them, and yet, somehow have been able to make it to adulthood. Where are they? Do they look like me? Would I know them if I saw them? They are everywhere, hiding behind the mask they put on to show the world that they don't want to be thought of as "different".

Many say that they go through the remainder of their childhood without hope. Hope being an uplifting emotion for humans, it's an important part of daily life, a way to reach for something in good faith. Without hope there is too much room in a person's psyche for despair, depression and darkness.

Adult survivors lives take many different paths, some lose everything, their potential to succeed is greatly diminished, while others take a different, stronger track, showing the world one face, but keeping another facing inward constantly keeping busy to avoid the pain and heartache.

I'm sure there are studies done somewhere, in language I probably wouldn't understand, giving explanations and psychological resources for this population of our society. However, it doesn't explain to these child survivors why this had to happen in the first place. No one can answer the basic question, "Why me, God"?

So as we read the newspapers and hear the reports of a mother who has gone missing, or a mother who has been violently murdered, ask yourself, "what will happen to the children."

While at the time the "crime" is making news and the attention is focused there, the children have to find a way to go on, find a way to cope with this tragedy and make a way in this world and grow into adulthood. They are often forgotten in the flurry of the crime, lost in the shuffle, sent into a world who forgot who they are and who they will become.

This will be the subject of Susan Murphy Milano's BlogTalk Radio show this Wednesday at 4PM EST. Join Susan and her guest, as adult survivors of violent childhoods, and hear what happened to them as they grew to adulthood.

We will discuss the topic of children whose fathers have killed their mothers. It is an a subject rarely discussed in the media. As the lives of the children who witness violence and terror in their homes if they survive, live the remainder of their days on earth often in darkness and without hope. Joining me on today's show Pam Munson discussing her survival after her mother's murder.